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alex is 'dejected core' emo
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[29 Nov 2009|10:06am] |
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seriously if someone wants to be my friend right now instead of being an asshole, that would be amazing.
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[21 Nov 2009|08:16pm] |
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it's like someone else has taken my dream and is living the life that i want to live.
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[12 Nov 2009|10:31pm] |
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babby boy.
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[21 Oct 2009|12:56am] |
you know what? i don't give a fuck. you're my best friend. i'm still going to try to talk to you every day. i'm still going to send you text messages and IMs and drunkenly call you and say inappropriate things to you. even if you're really busy. even if she disapproves. because I DON'T GIVE A FUCK and I don't ever want to lose you and I don't want to be someone that you talk to occasionally. we've gone months not really talking before and always come back to the same place.
and no i don't think i will ever stop loving you.
and fuck yes that hurts me (so fucking incredibly much right now) but i mean you're probably right it was probably never going to happen anyway and i'm sure(?) that i will find someone amazing and start my own famly and my own life (someday...) but i STILL WANT YOU IN IT.
i can't not have you in it. honestly. that's what hurts the most is that i'm so afraid i'm going to lose you forever. and that you don't give a fuck about it.
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[20 Oct 2009|01:44am] |
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i must stink of rejection.
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[14 Oct 2009|09:26pm] |
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life sucks.
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[14 Sep 2009|12:29pm] |
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i had a dream last night that i was hanging out with jens stoltenberg.
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[12 Sep 2009|10:50am] |
lastweekend i finished my first lab at 5pm, which was really overwhelming. i decided to meet up with maggie and john at spiderhouse and john pressured (ha) me into drinking his pitcher with him. it started pouring and i was grateful that happened after my arrival. maggie left and we both were starving, so we went to mellow mushroom and had ANOTHER pitcher, played connect four, and ate delicious pizza. we went back to john's house and watched star trek (which he hates, igss) and then full metal alchemist (which i hate, igss). then tom came home from a party at dress's house and i think he was under the impression that john and i were ~hooking up. unfortunately i had jokingly told him that i was "naked on his bed" after the 5 millionth text from him asking where i am and what i was doing. that had weird repercussions because he thought i was serious? and now he keeps saying really inappropriate things to me via text message.
went home and had to get up early for my first saturday lecture, which went swimmingly. we FINALLY finished chapter 1, i feel like the course moves so slowly. i didn't have a hangover because i only had ~4 beers, so this is something i'm going to try to keep up with!
saturday night i got all dressed up and met up with haley at jackalope for her co-worker's bday. too many helldorados were consumed and i ran up a huge tab. they went to elysium and i decided i wanted to meet up with chem kids who had been at spider house but went to this kid al's house (from Fairfax, who i accidentally drunkenly unknowingly burned a bridge with). We got there, went to buy more alcohol but texas stops selling at 12. We came back, eric titus and john went to get beer from their apts and i ended up smoking and geeking out. then we watched way too much food network, read the pchem lab manual introduction which is ALL ABOUT GOD. WELCOME TO TEXAS. THIS IS A PUBLIC UNIVERSITY BUT IGSS THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
then it was 5am and i made john call a cab home for me because i was way too fucked up to talk to a stranger on the phone.
monday i was soooooo sick. i didn't eat a single thing, missed the group meeting i had intended to go to. tuesday i woke up with a sore throat/coughing/sneezing and now this has been going on the whole week.
my wednesday lab went a LOT more smoothly, which was good because i felt like death. yesterday my lab stayed for AN HOUR after lab ended, because they needed to shoot their GC samples. i was so hungry/tired/annoyed when i got out but john was like come drink with us. i didn't have my wallet and he said he would buy me food. i got to crown and they IDed me to get in, it was 6pm, wtf! I didn't have my ID (no wallet) so i went and caught the shuttle home. It was raining so i got pretty wet
then i wanted to order a pizza but after the third time of trying to call papa johns, no dice. i decided to stay in to recuperate for massive partying (40s?) tonight at my apt and downtown. but i still feel like shit this morning.
also on the bus to campus yesterday i got this really bizarre feeling like i'm not going to be around for much longer. i don't know how to describe it, but maybe because i've been thinking a lot about the universe and i feel so infinitesimal and insignificant.
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[24 Aug 2009|08:48pm] |
yay another weekend come and gone. friday we went to quality seafood and i got mahi mahi fish tacos with mango salsa and it was FUCKING amazing. i studied for my orgo exam for a bit and put myself to bed early. saturday i went to mimosa brunch c/o mosaic and then studied more. i met this guy nick from okcupid for sushi before the show because we were going to the show together. i tried to make it clear that i'm not interested him but now he keeps messaging me about going to movies and stuff. i guess if i bring a friend he might get the message? i mean he's cool but i feel like we wouldn't be able to hang out as friends because he's 20 and i'm not interested in it otherwise (and have not indicated that i was interested, other than merely responding to his messages)
the chimaira show was awesome. they totally killed it. it was outside at emo's and fucking RIDICULOUSLY SICKLY HOT. i have never been so sweaty in all of my life. and most of it was other people's sweat. hatebreed was amazing too. afterwards nick had to go home to sleep, and i talked to jim from chimaira for a while. john and ginger met me on sixth and red river and apparently they were having a weird night with eachother because they've been attached at the hip and i kind of got in the middle of that which sucks. we wanted to go to shangri la because there was supposed to be a dope night there, but ginger got scared when we saw black people crossing over i-35 and wanted to go back. so then we walked to where the bus comes, i got mad and walked away, we went to the jackelope and had a couple of beers, i took the bus home which was sweet and it leaves every hour until 3:!0. more economical than a cab!
sunday morning i woke up and had a message from a dude that i've been talking to on okcupid (that i actually am interested in) and i met him at a taco stand in the blazing heat on airport & 51st. we got delicious gorditas and he paid for me (which was nice) and then he took me out to this mexican bakery which was SOOOOO fucking cheap and delicious and we were stuffed but got so much and took one bite and then threw it away :(
we joked about shoving our faces in the chocolate pastry and licking it off and i had half a mind to actually do it. then we went to the book store and looked at rare editions. fitzgerald for $500, i fucking wish!!!! then we went to the comic book store and nerded it up WAY more. met john there because we were supposed to go grocery shopping. i found a comic that i read once when i was like 7 years old called AMETHYST and totally bought that shit. then we went to HEB and I came home, didn't want to study and eventually did for a couple of hours, had amazing tv night.
ugh but i have a huge crush on this dude and i hope he calls me.
this is half of the shit i ever write about. the other is being miserable.
this morning i had an exam and probably didn't pass it, like everyone else. it's okay we have two more chances. then i did two of the labs for orgo that i have to write up a cheat sheet on. i also found out that the guy i wanted to do research with is apparently a HUGE passive-agressive asshole and says he expects 60 hrs/week but will make me work 100. which i am NOT WILLING TO DO NO WAY IN HELL.
but now i'm watching TNG on sci fi and it's AMAZING.
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[17 Aug 2009|07:56pm] |
ok, well, i've been in texas for a bit now but the first week 1/2 was just setting up furniture and driving around everywhere to buy shit that i "need" for my apartment. i met this girl haley from LJ for lunch on friday which was really nice. then on saturday i took the bus for the first time downtown and went to the "costume night" at the cockpit, a gay bar. i accidentally walked down 6th street by myself and i was so COMPLETELY overwhelmed i found myself really missing oslo. i had to wait in a long line and when i finally got in searched for several minutes (with a $5 jack & coke in hand) until i found haley. it was ridiculously hot so after some dancing we went by the fan and met some dudes and one of them i could have SWORN was gay and we danced and then went to haley's house to swim and he was apparently NOT gay. which made it awkward when he walked me home because i just wanted him to be my gay bff.
today was the first day of graduate school orientation, and i walked to the bus in cherrywood which was not a long walk at all. al day we basically heard about "how to be a successful graduate student" and tomorrow is "introduction to being a teaching assistant" basically really long, drawn out, boring things but it's necessary for us to know.
anyway, i went to the academic center to get my ID made and got in line at like 10 to 5. they closed at 5, even though there were people waiting in line. so now i have to KEEP paying for the bus. fuckers. even though it's only $0.75, the stupid machine doesn't give change so it's always $1 for me. anyway, then i walked around trying to figure out WHERE THE FUCK my bus picked me up and i finally crossed over I-35 and started walking north. then i freaked out because i was SO thirsty and it was 105 degrees and i had already been walking for 45 minutes and i couldn't find the fucking bus. i called my mom but she had no idea how to work google maps so i just yelled at her for like 10 minutes before finding the stop on my own.
i missed my stop and when i realized it, i was way too far away to get off and the stops going the other direction are NOT right across the street, so i stayed on ALL of the way until the end of the line. i was on the bus for an hour and a half.
tomorrow we start and hour earlier. i think i'm supposed to be studying for my introductory exam, reading current journal articles, and i probably should have already communicated with people i want to work with. simply put, i'm ALREADY BEHIND and this shit hasn't even started.
it just took me 3 1/2 hours to get home and i don't want to move anymore.
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[13 Aug 2009|10:31pm] |
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hello. i live in austin, tx.
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[18 Jul 2009|02:06am] |
things i like:
$20 spent after a night out
things i don't like:
females who think it's okay to undermine their fellow woman walking down a suburban street home by asking "how much for two hours?"
D:
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[06 Jul 2009|01:48pm] |
my time in norway is winding down. and while i'm looking forward to going home, i am a bit sad to leave this place.
the money situation is tight, especially after not getting the tax return money and feriepenger i had been expecting. i just have to wait until next year, i guess.
last saturday was charolette's birthday party which we spent in the park. i grilled some burgers, ate way too many ice cream cone cupcakes, we went out to justisen and there were WAYYYY to many people there. we ended up at a park outside of revolver smoking at 5am and these two dudes came onto the basketball court, stripped down to their underwear and started playing BADMINTON. it was a total wtf moment. they started yeling at us for not playing with them and we were like ok yeah i'm not getting naked and playing with you weirdos. i found glowsticks on the ground which was random. but it was a fun time.
i spent a few days in skåne (southern sweden) with eva and her mother this past week. the landscape is quite different from norway, more flat like denmark. we went to grandma & grandpa's and had a swim and i was surrounded by swedish culture! then we took a drive all around southern sweden and saw a bunch of castles which are basically old manors with moats. the next day we went into lund, which is a quaint little town, and saw the domkirke there which has an astronomical clock. we took a tour in the crypt. apparently the cathedral was the center for the first archbishop in northern europe. the days were extremely extremely warm and humid, but it was nice to experience summer weather. the next day we went into malmö and shopped around for a bit, met eva's friends, had an excellent dinner, and went out to a club. i got extremely tired and we took a cab back at like 2:30 and the next morning i woke up with extreme nausea even though my stomach was empty. i ahd to take the bus back and i almost threw up on the local bus to get to the bus stop. thankfully i didn't embarrass myself or eva. the bus ride back was fine, i just took a loooong nap and then watched some movies on my computer. i met up with lab people for my going away party and they gave me a drug synthesis book and a book of norwegian scenery, which was really really nice of them.
apparently the weather is supposed to be crappy until i leave, which makes me sad because i wanted to go swimming at sognsvann since i just got a new suit in sweden. i am spending my last full week in lab trying to get together data and write up a report and still doing a couple of experiments. after that it's my going away party and two days to pack, clean, sort out stuff with the norwegian bureaucracy og si min siste ha det til dette landet.
before i leave i would like to
-get a scone/coffee at UB
-eat a milano kebab (hopefully on saturday!)
-go to some clubs i haven't been to in a while (garage)
-write a letter and send it
also apparently i suck at doing 'last things' because i was too hung over to go to my last iconoclastic, missed the last gymbaloo for the summer, missed the last CS meeting, and didn't go out grilling/swimming on the last nice day for a while (saturday).
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[19 Jun 2009|11:10pm] |
tonight i laughed so hard my mascara bled.
today was hany's PhD defense -- my first exposure to such proceedings. he did extremely well with his trial lecture, he was quite calm. during his q&a session for his defense, i wanted to scream out the answers: "ROBINSON ANNULATION, AMINO-ACID/PROLINE/ORGANO CATALYSIS, STEROIDS" but i know if i were under pressure i would have blanked.
the party was nice. i stayed until 11, had some beers, aquavit, ate way too much, and then had some cake on top of that. met charolette, wouter, anne at fru hagen and talked about amazing/ridiculous things.
-charolette needs to see 4 months, 3 weeks, 2 days
-i might get to work backstage as a bartender at hovefestival instead of doing the parking stuff
-i might get to hang out with some bands as a result of the above/knowing awesome people
-i decided to walk charolette home after hanging out at fru hagen after hours and laughing laughing laughing. KJETIL of all people, who we had discussed how it was funny to look back on the winter meeting during the work party, came up to me and charolette. she called him mahmut and i just started cracking up. he was as creepy as ever. and was one of the key points to me saying that when people come up to me in norway and say weird things i am WAY more surprised about it than i am in the states.
-i took a taxi home that i can't afford but tonight was such a plus that it doesn't matter. it's 5am, i'm not tired, i want to drunk/slightlysober dial all of my friends back home
-tomorrow is the beer festival! then party at eva's and iconoclastic. i am so fucking excited.
-sunday or monday i leave for hovefestival. it's supposed to be sunny and beautiful and awesome and el and eddie will be there so if things go terribly wrong i will still have people to hang out with.
life is good. i'm enjoying these last moments in this place.
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[02 Jun 2009|07:44am] |
maybe it's the season but it feels like everyone is at a crossroads or in transition right now.
tons of people graduating, of course. jørgen and amanda moved out today. i said goodbye this morning before i left for lab as they were packing up the van. wished them a good life with many babies. They're getting married and starting their life together. COOKIE IS MARRIED which is still incredibly insane to me. I feel so old right now.
my brother is starting a dual-masters program at Columbia/LSE. Which is amazing, but it also means that i definitely HAVE to have enough $$ to pay my parents back so that my brother can get some support.
friends in tromsø seem like they're all moving -- christina & adrian to bodø, stig & camilla to mo i rana. øivind just got a new house not too long ago, and marlen moved in with him. and now they're going to have a child, he tells me last night. it was so ridiculous to hear that i had to text daniel as gossip girl because i know he would be as surprised/shocked about it at i was. even though i didn't get a response.
alice has moved back home, and mads will be joining her for a semester. fredrik might move to trondheim to go to NTNU depending on the results of his exams.
and then there's me... only partially aware of the fact that i'm moving to texas in two months. that i'm not going to live in norway again (at least for the next five years). trying to enjoy the summer as best as i can. i find myself caught up in moments smiling hoping that it will never end. simple things like sitting in the park on warm days, dancing up a sweat at gymbaloo, taking an evening bike ride home.
this weekend was perfect. everything i wanted and expected. friday night i finally did laundry and cleaned my room. saturday we sat in sofienberg and grilled and drank and played croquet. then people left so i met up with cate, who was MIA for a bit and i ended up talking to random people. although the conversation was completely inapproriate (jeg ser vil ut, tydeligvis...) it was good to be drunk and speaking only norwegian. then cate&i/her screenwriting class hung out until midnight, made it over to ryes, and i walked home around 1:30. Sunday was Cate's housewarming, then more sitting in the park with eva&christian, cate/charolette/therese. we played trivial pursuit until the sun went away, and then i met cate in grünerløkka and we went out to åpenbar aker brygge which is an area i NEVER go in to. Randomly ran into ken from tromsø outsite of the second place we ended up at -- norway is the smallest place ever. sat in bed watching tv all day monday, then went to gymbaloo with eva, and saw star trek with cate, wouter, guro, thomas which was SUCHHHH a good movie. also ran TWICE into a guy i met at a nachspiel. fucking oslo is so small too.
in a need more of these funtimes, i just don't have the financial means for it right now. i might volunteer at hovefestival, which means i would get in for free and only have to pay about 600NOK for the bus ride.
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[24 May 2009|09:30am] |
17. mai came and went.
that friday i went out to hell awaits with wouter and thomas, then a bunch of bars in grünerløkka, spending way more money than i have. saturday i was sick all day with the worst hangover, so i couldn't help prepare for our apartment's breakfast. sunday i woke up early and we started at 9, though i basically swore off alcohol for the morning. the breakfast was good, i hung around the apartment until 2, then i went downtown and the subway was CRAZY full with people leaving karl johan's so it was almost impossible to get off. i had intended to met el and eddie but they never responded to my calls/texts once i was downtown b/c el apparently felt sick and went home. so i walked to kubaparken and met wouter, thomas, guro and we sat in the park and drank and it was sunny and then some people grilled a little bit and then we went to fru hagen and drank more beers and i hung out with cate and her couch surfers and ended up going home quarter to twelve. it was an amazingly fun day actually.
this past week i had two days as eksamensvakt, and i have three days this week. i'm going to make a fair bit of money with it, but after taxes it wont even be enough for 1 months rent :( I wish i could find more odd jobs like this, since the prospect of me finding an actual job is quite slim, especially now that i have decided to go home earlier.
everyone seems to be busy or out of town this weekend, so i didn't go out drinking at all. probably for the better since i went to centra yesterday and spent 400NOK on groceries for a picnic. I sat in the sun in frogner for a couple of hours reading and eating by myself. it was nice, i just wish i could have spent some time with friends.
today is nice too, though not as fully sunny as yesterday and i've just finished cleaning the apartment. my next task is to shower and get ready and then bike somewhere and have another solo picnic.
i've been watching a lot of shitty chick flicks this weekend and i've pretty much realized that we never had a future. and while it would have been nice to have something even just for a little bit, it doesn't matter in the long run.
but i still have decided to write a letter. wave that white flag. i'm not sure what i intend to accomplish with this, but it's something that i want to do.
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[16 May 2009|01:10pm] |
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i make myself sick drinking trying to forget about you.
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[13 May 2009|05:34am] |
tom waits run was on saturday, which meant staying in friday to prepare. i met up with anne/wouter/thomas at 1:45 in grønland. i took a bysykkel there -- i've been trying to use them as much as possible, they are amazing. we went up to the start of the race, but actually started at the second bar. maya met us at like the 4th place, where we spent a ridiculous amount of time playing foosball and a dude in a yellow shirt took a picture with me and set up a date for gloria flames. my goal was to make it to gloria, and we did, even though we missed the band that was playing tom waits covers because we were SO slow! i had packed a couple of sandwiches and was starving the whole time. we went out to eat at some pizza place and i ate more. then we went to a few more bars on the run, but we definitely skipped a few. we finally made it to fiasco but they had a 150 cover charge so we were like FUCK that. ended up at a place called cacadou, where some supremely drunk guy tried to kiss me and hold my hand and take me home which was really bizarre. i was kind of super drunk so i decided to catch the last subway home.
sunday i watched the spirit and smoked with maya. i love crappy tv shows like my super sweet 16, the spirit was not actually very good.
right now i'm sitting in lab, stressing about money and this project, kind of bored out of my mind and sickened by myself. i watched twilight and ate an entire pint of ben and jerry's last night. i need to go on a diet/start exercising again -- gymbaloo doesn't count.
eva came to gymbaloo on monday and i could tell she had a great time. we ended up destroying all of our good dancing work by eating fries and milkshakes at burger king. but it was a nice 50's girldate. plans for the immediate future include considering meeting yellow shirt guy for some beers on friday, still attempting to find a summer job, and contemplating taking a bike ride or doing the shred later.
this weekend is 17th of may and i hope there will be some sweet champagne breakfast/grill action going on.
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[02 May 2009|12:10am] |
ok. things about tonight.
first of all i was so excited for the most epic concert of my life which ended up being a let down when kaizers played almost all of våre demoner instead of their other albums. i was particuarly disappointed when we chanted for an encore for at least five minutes and they never came back. the concert that i saw in october was better, and this ocncert could have been absolutely amazing if only they had come back and played four more songs. but it was still really good. just not as ridiculous as i had hoped.
i embarrased myself infront of janove and terje and geir and then we went to justisen and FINN was there what the fuck? so i talked to him a bit right before closing. and then everyone was supposed to go to this nachspiel at wouter's but it ended up just being me and then i went home and it took me an hour to drunkenly walk in the complete lightness. i tried to take a fucking bike but apparently it doesn't open until 6:24 which is the lamest shit i've heard in a while.
anyway. i had such weird/high hopes for tonight and nothing happened so i hope tomorrow is better.
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[29 Apr 2009|05:50pm] |
so, i've had a bit of a cold since tori left (a cold spot on the mattress. ha!) which means that i stayed in bed all day sunday and monday and have been sleeping in. today was fantastic, even though it's been rainy and overcast and not as warm lately. i slept until 10 or so, chilled in my bed for a while with a strong cup of coffee and went to lab around noon. i spent five hours in lab today, mostly getting acquainted with where shit is in the master student's lab. i have a lot of round bottom flasks to empty/transfer and clean (about 20) but i'm too lazy right now to do it. i managed to answer some ChaCha questions today as well, and sent in a few job applications last night. found out officially that i didn't get the job at burgerking which is a bummer because my interview went so well.
anyway, i came home and suddenly it was time to go to gymbaloo. el and i hopped on the tram and when we got there, there was like no one there because we didn't get the message that it started half an hour late, so we got there ten minutes early. we were standing in the alley and two dudes came up to us and were like do you know where we can get some weed? and we were like, uh, no, sorry just try walking along the river. and then we were like clearly this is some sort of american band. it was gringo starr who had just opened up for trail of the dead the night before at rockefeller. anyway we danced our butts off for the whole hour and it was good. then we left and the dudes in the band yelled across the river HEY COME BACK AND DRINK WITH US. so we walked back while i was eating my banana and had some beers and good conversation with them. then we biked home and i've just finally finished my dinner at 5 to twelve.
tomorrow i'm getting up at 7 to do laundry and flashing at lab. friday is a holiday but i'm going in anyway. it's also KAIZERS so i'm looking forward to it. i have no money :(
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